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How do you know she is a witch?

onestopgrocery March 26, 2014

Burn her anyway! Well, we did do the nose. And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one.

Am I right?

I am your king. No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. …Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? How do you know she is a witch?

  • Be quiet!
  • Bring her forward!
  • Oh, ow!
  • Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed!

We want a shrubbery!!

But you are dressed as one… And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one. It’s only a model. Now, look here, my good man. I dunno. Must be a king. A newt?

First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin

Why? Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system! How do you know she is a witch? He hasn’t got shit all over him. Shut up! Will you shut up?! Well, how’d you become king, then?

  1. I dunno. Must be a king.
  2. Bring her forward!
Help, help, I’m being repressed!

Shut up! Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system! Bring her forward! You can’t expect to wield supreme power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

What… is your quest?

I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time! What do you mean? Burn her! Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut’s tropical! What a strange person. No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart.

The Day The Earth Stood Stupid

onestopgrocery March 26, 2014

Fry! Stay back! He’s too powerful! I’ve been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? I love you, buddy!

The Deep South

Good man. Nixon’s pro-war and pro-family. Say it in Russian! You lived before you met me?! Ooh, name it after me! Oh, I think we should just stay friends. Why would a robot need to drink?

  • Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo!
  • You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see!
  • Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be.

I Second That Emotion

It’s just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. Also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you? It must be wonderful. You’re going to do his laundry? In our darkest hour, we can stand erect, with proud upthrust bosoms. I decline the title of Iron Cook and accept the lesser title of Zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Uhh… also, comes with double prize money. I am the man with no name, Zapp Brannigan!

Put Your Head on my Shoulder

You know, I was God once. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.

  1. THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! NOW I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISEN!
  2. Calculon is gonna kill us and it’s all everybody else’s fault!
  3. Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.
  4. I love you, buddy!
Anthology of Interest I

Bender, hurry! This fuel’s expensive! Also, we’re dying! Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun! Stop it, stop it. It’s fine. I will ‘destroy’ you!

Anthology of Interest I

Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died. Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died. I never loved you. Take me to your leader! Hey, whatcha watching?

I’m really more an apartment person

onestopgrocery March 26, 2014

Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized. I’m partial to air conditioning. Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. Pretend. You pretend the feelings are there, for the world, for the people around you. Who knows? Maybe one day they will be. Makes me a … scientist.

Finding Freebo

I’m not the monster he wants me to be. So I’m neither man nor beast. I’m something new entirely. With my own set of rules. I’m Dexter. Boo. This man is a knight in shining armor. You all right, Dexter?

  • Tell him time is of the essence.
  • I’m really more an apartment person.

Road Kill

I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me. Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized. I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me.

An Inconvenient Lie

Tell him time is of the essence. Cops, another community I’m not part of. Watching ice melt. This is fun. Watching ice melt. This is fun.

  1. This man is a knight in shining armor.
  2. I’m doing mental jumping jacks.
  3. I’ve lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see.
Do You Take Morgan?

You all right, Dexter? God created pudding, and then he rested. I’ve lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see. Under normal circumstances, I’d take that as a compliment. Makes me a … scientist.

Dex, Lies, and Videotape

You all right, Dexter? Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. I have a dark side, too. I have a dark side, too.

The Idiot’s Lantern

onestopgrocery March 26, 2014

You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. You hit me with a cricket bat. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time!

The Unicorn and the Wasp

I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me!

  • Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time!
  • It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.

Forest of the Dead

The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Midnight

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! You hit me with a cricket bat. You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?

  1. They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens!
  2. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?
  3. You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better?
  4. It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.
The Impossible Astronaut

Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do!

Journey’s End

I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. You’ve swallowed a planet! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens!

Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right

onestopgrocery March 26, 2014

There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Army had half a day. That’s why you always leave a note!

Exit Strategy

There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Say goodbye to these, because it’s the last time!

  • Marry me.
  • Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right.
  • I care deeply for nature.

Amigos

No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. I’ve opened a door here that I regret. I care deeply for nature.

Pier Pressure

Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. Across from where? Well, what do you expect, mother? No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide.

  1. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’
  2. Well, what do you expect, mother?
  3. Marry me.
  4. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life.
  5. Steve Holt!
Ready, Aim, Marry Me

What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. No… but I’d like to be asked! Really? Did nothing cancel? But I bought a yearbook ad from you, doesn’t that mean anything anymore?

Afternoon delight

We just call it a sausage. I’ve opened a door here that I regret. Marry me. No… but I’d like to be asked!

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